Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
