Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
