I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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