Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
