capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
