Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
