If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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