I wish I could punch you in the face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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