eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
