I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
