I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
