i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
