i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
