Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
