We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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