I cockslap morals
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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