im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
