Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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