Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
