My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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