saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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