upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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