I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
