I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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