My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
