go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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