I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
