if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
