Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
whose parrot is this?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
