all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
