I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
