I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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