...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
