I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
