god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
