3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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