I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
