The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
