I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
