he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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