Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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