Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
