Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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