I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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