Just cropdusted the office
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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