Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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