my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
