I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
