Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
soo... how was my night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
