but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
