I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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