apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
