i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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