I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
