Got a toothbrush?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
