I want to have your abortion
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A+ Viking dick
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
